My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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