Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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