Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
