9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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