3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
a search helicopter?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
