I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
