I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
