Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
operation have a gay friend backfired
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
