Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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