Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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