he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
