And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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