Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
