I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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