we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
