I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
