I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
