Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
