saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
