Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Randomize
