If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
