After last night, I could never be a politician.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
