Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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