ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
