I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Houston, we have a blender
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
