he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
