you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
