I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
