a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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