Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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