everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
