GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
