apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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