He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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