i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
