saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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