Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
