The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
