no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
