I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
