She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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