You're my little dorito
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
