Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
