I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
