Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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