in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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