Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
