I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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