she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
