She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
